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Ascend Life Blog #14: Fathers, The Special Ingredient

Daniel Gant


As a father of a 21-month-old little boy, and with another boy on the way, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can be a better father, and what I can do as they grow up to help set them up to be the best they can be.

I want to parent them perfectly, though I know that isn’t possible. Still it feels completely overwhelming to be a good father. I know my own faults and weaknesses, and I want desperately to overcome them so they won’t affect my parenting.

I just listened to a great podcast The Ziglar Show# 466 with Dr. Meg Meeker, who talked about how fathers are so vital to their children. She says that being a great father really “is about letting the goodness come out, not learning new tricks.”

That is great news to me!

In this podcast Dr. Meg goes deep into the vital role that fathers play in the lives of their children. She says that every child wants to see their father as their hero. This is a natural longing within all children.

Honestly, this is a show everyone needs to listen to, fathers, mothers, people who are yet to be parents, or who may never be parents. Every one of us had a father (or father figure), and we need to recognize the powerful influence that he has in our lives.

If you listen to nothing else that I recommend in this blog, please listen to this one. It really is that important. If you think that this doesn’t apply to you, or if you find yourself becoming upset then this is definitely for you.

Dr. Meg has a unique position, as a pediatrician, to be able to see what it is that children need and then do what they cannot, communicate those needs to the rest of us. This podcast is so good because Dr. Meg shows through evidence and studies exactly what children are longing for in their fathers. They are looking for 3 basic questions to be answered.

    1.    Dad, how do you really feel about me?

    2.    Dad, what do you believe about me?

    3.    Dad, what are your hopes for me?

If you are a father, don’t let these questions overwhelm you. They are actually pretty easy to answer well for your children. If you are not a father, ask yourself how these were answered for you as a child. Don’t be afraid to admit that they were not answered well.

This is where we go back to post #11 The Belief Cycle. You may have unanswered or badly answered questions that have kept you on a negative Belief Cycle. Bring them into the light and deal with them so that you can change from a negative to a positive Belief Cycle.

If you are a father, these questions don’t need to become complicated. Remember just let the goodness out. It really is an instinctual thing that God has placed within us. Just show your children that you love them, that you believe they have what it takes in life, and that your hopes are for them to become the best they can be. That’s it! Don’t overcomplicate it.

This still applies if your children are grown and out of the house. Maybe you even have a poor relationship with your children. Start right now to show love, belief, and hope for them and watch the relationship improve.

I would like to stop here for a moment to acknowledge that many people have been hurt by fathers or men in general. Abuse, whether physical or emotional, intentional or accidental, so often comes from those we are close to.

I want to make it very clear that while even the best men on earth will hurt others, and some have done really bad things, their importance and value to a child’s development is immense!

There are real hurts that many have faced. The first step is to take the time and effort to heal and forgive. Remember, you are not forgiving for their sake! NO! You must forgive for your own sake! Healing will only take place to the proper extent once you have forgiven.

Beyond this, for those who are trying to be good fathers, they have a battle to fight against a societal trend that would minimize their value and need. Think about it, we see this in movies and tv shows all the time. The father is a joke. He is just a big kid who needs to be corrected.

This isn’t right. The father is such a vital player in the lives of our children. If their value is minimized they will become unengaged to the terrible detriment of their children.

We need fathers who love their children and who will be engaged and involved.

This podcast will help us all to understand what children need in their fathers. It will help you understand what you need from your own father. Maybe it is just to heal from poorly answered questions. Regardless everyone should listen to this.

Hero status as a father isn’t complicated, but though it may be difficult in practice, it is absolutely vital. Ultimately the only one who can do this perfectly and be the perfect hero is God. He alone can answer these questions perfectly in your life and the lives of our children.